New MPAA, RIAA, BSA unit
p2pnet.net News:- The MPAA, RIAA and BSA are to team up in the creation of a new, international combined services agency to be called the Department of Intellectual Copyright Knowledge and World Enforcement Enrolment Divisions.
Funded by the US Department of Homeland Security, US Department of Justice and US Department of Agriculture, it will be staffed by seconded RIAA (Recording Industry Association of America), MPAA (Motion Picture Association of America), BSA (Business Software Alliance) executives, and retired FBI, DEA, NSA, SS and SPCA agents, says a statement on the organization web page.
“Our primary objective will be to safeguard the general pubic, our loyal customers, against unprincipled copyright pirates,” says Charleston Hepton, chairman of the bored, going on:
“We hope to persuade George W. Bush to become the first ceo when he retires from politics next year. His experience in initiating and then running the Iraq War will be invaluable in our pursuit and prosecution of the intellectual property thieves who are depriving Americans, as well as lesser peoples of the world, of their birthrights, our products.”
At the moment, the RIAA, MPAA and BSA, and their various trade units, are forced to separately utilize police forces and other publicly and privately funded agencies and businesses as they strive to protect their commercial interests.
Setting up the new agency and getting it running will be a, “costly exercise,” admits Hepton, but, “under the new organizations, we’ll be able to rationalize operations, both broadening our effectiveness against bad actors, and saving our music, movie and software industry sponsors significant amounts of money. Ultimately, this will be in the pubic interest.”
He says the combined services agency will draw from the experience of FACT under which distinct police units will be set up alongside established national police forces.
FACT (Federation Against Copyright Theft) and London’s Metropolitan Police have organized a separate police unit to serve and protect the movie, music and software industries in much the same way the famous Scotland Yard Flying Squad is on 24-hour alert to guard the interests of the public.
“In addition, we’ll be implementing what we believe is a highly innovative, first-of-its-kind solution aimed at freeing up courts from the task of having to prosecute student copyright criminals,” Hepton continues.
“We will work with university and college police to apprehend the criminals on campus. File sharing copyright thieves and criminals thus identified will be incarcerated in special detention units to be built within the teaching institutions involved.”
They’ll be prosecuted by industry lawyers. Judges whose, “ages and experience coupled with their deep knowledge of the technologies of the 21st century” will reach “fair and equitable” decisions.
Members of the new benches will be, “selected from jduges retiring from across America after decades of meritorious service” who’ll be appointed to the in situ school magisterial seats, he said. They’ll be remunerated from school fees.
“The judges will decide on-the-spot penalities and those convicted will be fined amounts based on the current $750 per download rate,” he stated.
First offenders will be required to perform corporate service work for the industry sector involved. Repeat offenders will be imprisoned in a federal penitentiary for terms not exceeding 15 years, depending on the severity of the offence.
“The Department of Intellectual Copyright Knowledge and World Enforcement Enrolment Divisions and willl take over many of the roles of the RIAA, MPAA and BSA,” Hepton added.
JN
Also See:
distinct police units – UK’s new anti-pirate police, February 23, 2006
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January 14th, 2007 at 8:51 pm
looking up host http://www.dickweeds.gov...
cannot locate host
Please post a true news item, because this agency is likely to be created by the Enemies after they read this story.
January 14th, 2007 at 9:17 pm
Obviously a spoof. I could tell even without following the link.
January 14th, 2007 at 10:56 pm
Quote:
“We hope to persuade George W. Bush to become the first ceo when he retires from politics next year…”
This is the sort of thing that often appears as the payoff. Bush would be a figure head so that involvement could be claimed for the payoff in terms of a payroll or stock payout in some manner. Since at that time he would be out of office it would not be deemed a conflict of interest. This often happens as a payoff for services rendered to politicians once they leave office. As figurehead it would need only his name in print without actual hands on involvement to qualify for the payoff.
Funny that even when spoofs come across, they always seem to have that ring about them that would never surprise anyone if it did happen. It is a sign that those corporations that are typically headlined here are morally bankrupt that it is believable by the public.
I’ve already reached the point that I tell these sort of companies that I don’t like their business practices with my wallet. If the public at large did the same thing, you would see near overnight a change in those corporations wishing to survive.
January 15th, 2007 at 1:26 am
I’m surprised by some of the responses here. Are you guys really that obtuse? Or are just being Dickweeds?
I think some of you guys need to get out and limber up your funny bones.
January 15th, 2007 at 2:07 am
The infamous “Nikki Hemming’s Money Mansion” (Google it) was a true news item, and promptly got Jon Newton sued, even though he was just reposting what other people and news agencies had written.
January 15th, 2007 at 3:55 am
yes… the fact that the acronym spells out ‘dickweeds’ is the tell tale sign that this is in fact a spoof.
Then again, the riaa and co should unite under the common banner of dickweeds as that is what they are anyway.
January 15th, 2007 at 11:48 am
The sad thing is this kind of parady coud so easly be true
January 16th, 2007 at 5:25 pm
Shows how reliable they are…
“http://www.huffingtonpost.com/topics/us+department+of+homeland+security”
January 17th, 2007 at 2:27 pm
the student are going to school to make a better life for themselves and these people are trying to destroy them because they have a burn cd.I read about what they are trying to do and that is to charged a fee at these schools so that they can download music and the riaa make millions but the artist get very or no money at all. We must not attack our future with this nonsense. Drugs are killing our community and people are homeless and being killed everyday. i am just saying put all your effort in finding these unsolved murder before you worry about a download cd.
January 18th, 2007 at 5:31 pm
The funny thing is, even though this is a spoof, I could see the AA’s trying to form such an organization. I would not put anything past them, they have no tact or gumption.