p2pnet news view | Interviews:- Frequent p2pnet poster and satirical film maker Rick had a conversation with Buster Lyre.
Never heard of him? You should have, says Rick.
“If you’ve flushed a toilet, taken your dog for a walk or even cleaned out your RV’s holding tank, he’s probably involved,” he says.
Buster is the chief lawyer and spokesperson for the MPAA, Manure Producers Association of America, for whom the medium is the message »»»
Q: What does the Manure Producers Association do?
A: My organazation represents six major companies who hold patents on a number of techniques for producing manure in this country. From treating Steer and Chicken manure for gardening and farming to sewer treatment facilities around the United states.
Q: Most Americans have never heard of your group. How long have you been around?
A: The MPAA has been around for only a few years. Cowpie express Inc. and Hitthefan Inc. were the first two companies to patent their processes. Cowpie started in LA centering around Hollywood and Hitthefan got its beginning in the Washington DC area.
A: Why those areas?
Q: Those Cities are the biggest producers of manure in this country.
Q: How did the MPAA start??
A: Well I was working as a legal advisor to the Entertainment Industry when we started suing children, college students and single moms to recoup the massive losses the industry faced because of these common criminals. Their pirating ways and total disreguard for laws of our land was a black mark against every God fearing, law biding, patriotic multi-conglomorate corporate entity in America today. Going into the manure business was a natural for a guy like me.
Q: Your orginazation is currently lobbying congress for tougher manure laws? What’s that all about.
A: Well, as you know, we’ve been having a big problem with Manure pirates lately. People are taking it upon themselves to produce their own manure. They’re composting garden waste, recycling and treating their own sewage in private housing developments and just letting their dogs roam and crap at will. In most cases, using the same techniques that the companies I represent have owned and patented for years. These pirates are stealing our technology.
Q: Let’s talk about the bill. It has a camping provision in it?
A: Yes, If you want to go camping it must be in a MPAA approved camping facility where we can recycle your garbage and other human wastes.
Q: What about the pet provision?
A: That’s one of the most misunderstood provisions of this bill. All we’re saying is that your domestic pet should wear a sanitary collector at all times and emptied in one of our MPAA-approved collection barrels where it would be picked up regularly like the weekly garbage. For a small fee of course. Now the bill has a provision for farm and range animals. The animals must be registered then our collection vehicles will come out once a week to sweep the area clean of all manure and waste. Again, for a fee.
Q: What if the Farmer wants to use the manure for their crops?
A: They buy it from us. This bill is necessary to combat the rampant piracy going on in the manure industry today.
Q: Why is producing your own manure bad?
A: Why? It’s common sense. Think about it. If we allow lawless americans to produce their own manure whenever they want, not use our public restroom facilities, pay the taxes tacked onto their sewer bill, use our campground facilities, or take care of their animals accordingly, thousands of jobs would be at risk. Hard working families who rely on the manure industry for their bread and butter. This would lead to bankruptcys and forclousures on mortages. In time the industry would implode from within creating the most devistating depression since the 1930′s. Tens of millions of Americans would have to resort to using outhouses and other unsanitary means. desiase would run rampant, another plauge would surge through america. I don’t know about you but that’s not the kind of America I want to live in.
Q: So what are you doing to stop this?
A: Well first is this necessary legislation. Then we need to enforce it.
Q: You have your own enforcement team?
A: Yes, our verison of MP’s, manure police. They work in conjunction with the FBI and the Department of Justice to bring these hardened criminals to account for their crimes. I got this idea from the Entertainment industry who have their own private police force.
Q: Isn’t having a private police force doing the work of law enforcement agencies unconstitutional?
A: Not when the corporate cartels involved in the entertainment and manure industries get done lobbying congress to change the laws.
Q: What else are you doing?
A: Taking a page from my friends in the Entertainment industry, we are now filing thousands of lawsuits in civil court to stop these pirates from producing their own manure and making them pay for the damage they’re causing the industry. We own the rights to manure production, and we’re going to protect them. We’re also going to the public school system where we are teaching our youth to respect patents. We teach our children that stealing manure production techniques is just like walking tinto a store and shoplifting.
Q: What about private schools?
A: That’s a challange. Private schools are not as enlightened as the public, government run, school system. Public schools offer a wider range of experiences for our children, like million dollar sports departments which enhance a healthy competitive atmosphere, and allowing private corporations like ours to come in and teach the kids at taxpayer expense. All private schools want to do is educate. things like math, reading, history. how boring.
Q: Aren’t these heavy handed tactics creating a backlash among your customers?
A: Customers? People who violate our patents, produce their own manure without our consent or control, taking money from our pockets are not our customers. All we want is a harmounous coexistance between our business, government and the public where everyone wins. What’s so wrong about that?
. .Stumble It!
New York Times – xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx, August , 2008
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