p2pnet - rss feed: George W. Bush to head new RIAA unit?
p2pnet exclusive| RIAA News:- With US elections close and almost ex-US president George W. Bush about to move back into the corporate sector, p2pnet has learned he probably won’t be vanishing from public view.
Bush’s administration has been conspicuous in its support of the corporate entertainment cartels and if our information is correct, his unswerving devotion is about to pay off.
A little while back, Vivendi Universal, EMI, Warner Music and Sony BMG’s RIAA and IFPI came close to being merged, and it was probably just as well the plan didn’t come off.
Recording Industry Association of America International Federation of Phonographic Industry would have been a bit of a mouthful.
But the Big 4 have come up with a solution.
Until now, they’ve been using the services of MediaSentry to do their sleuthing.
However, the company has been sliding down the greasy slope for quite some time, witness its failure to protect China’s online offerings during the recent Beijing Olympics.
Thus, “The RIAA has decided not to waste any more money,” says our source.
“Instead, they’re setting up their own faux private investigation unit with George W. Bush mooted as its chairman and chief executive officer.”
Called Associated Security Section, Homeland Operations Local Enterprise Services, funding will be provided by major entertainment industry interests and a private company headquartered in Saudi Arabia, we understand.
Employees, drawn from enforcement agency retirees from around the world, will be bonded and licensed as private investigators in the US and elsewhere.
Donald ‘Al Quaeda’ Runsfeld will run the interrogation section.
‘We’ll cooperate with, and assist, national and international police in their quests to halt copyright crime,” says a spokeswoman, who preferred not to be named.
Staff will be seconded to the new unit from the RIAA, IFPI, BPI, Apple, Microsoft and the SPCA, she goes on.
Canadian prime minister Stephen Harper has been approached to become Bush’s deputy if, as is expected, his Conservative government is ousted during the upcoming Canadian federal elections, she adds.
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September 5th, 2008 at 5:03 pm
Nice spoof, love the acronym. You could almost say that acronym is made to order. It fits. Somehow, despite the silliness of the spoof, it is about on par with The Onion’s works. So silly it could be true.
It’s a sad state of affairs when a corporate image is so tarnished that these sort of spoofs, not only could be believable and true, but plausible in it’s tone. It shows just how far the major labels have slid down the slope of being recognized as reputable firm.
With it’s tarnished image, I want nothing to do with it’s product. You never know when these yoyo’s decide that something that has been acceptable practice for decades might be the very thing they now want to change with you being the guinea pig in court, facing tons of fines, as well as the long dragged out affair they tend to make it.
Thank you but no thank you to major label products. The only thing you can trust with them is that they want your bucks and nothing to do with you afterwards that would amount to anything good. I won’t buy from them, don’t want their products they sell now, and at present it will be a hard sell to get me back to buying what I don’t desire.
They are in the process of creating a generation that feels the same way as well as alienating their past true blue dependable customers. I for one have went from a long time ago, buying something like 20 albums every 6 months to absolutely none, anytime. All the lawsuits in the land won’t encourage me to spend one more dime than I do today for their products. In fact it cements my opinion about their product and doing business with them into a firm and solid “no way”.
September 5th, 2008 at 6:12 pm
Not entirely implausible, except perhaps the name
September 5th, 2008 at 7:39 pm
@above
Yes. That IS the sad part. It is scary.
September 5th, 2008 at 9:13 pm
Surely there must also be a position for Jim ‘corporate tool’ Prentice.
Thank you for the laugh. Have a lovely weekend Jon.
September 5th, 2008 at 9:32 pm
Here’s all the position predictions (75% Sucess Rate)
Founder: George Bush
CEO: Don Rumsfeld
Pres: Alberto “Hard Justice” Gonzales
Vice Pres: Stephen Harper.
Acting Officer: Jim Prentice
I wouldn’t doubt if mccain and bush hiddenly made SKYNET
September 6th, 2008 at 10:04 am
“I wouldn’t doubt if mccain and bush hiddenly made SKYNET” sorry the UK already have skynet (millinery communication sat-alights)
September 7th, 2008 at 6:47 pm
The accro tipped me off. Better than the other two spoofs I’ve seen from you. I thought they were real at first…
September 7th, 2008 at 10:11 pm
^^ “Better than the other two spoofs I’ve seen from you. I thought they were real at first…”
That’s the general idea
Cheers!
September 8th, 2008 at 4:04 am
For a while there I thought it was true, this is what happens when you destroy the integrity of your your product; people become jaded and balk at your offerings.