RIAA nails the Christmas Biker
p2pnet news view | RIAA News:- “One bicyclist is taking his holiday cheer to whole new level,” posts Liza Javier on Citizen Rain.
“Jim Olsen of Bothell rides around with Christmas lights sewn into his clothing and attached to his bicycle.”
Friends call him the North Shore Christmas biker, she says, showing the pic on the right and quoting him as saying:
“I just enjoying doing it. It’s kind of therapeutic for me and it just brings joy to people who see me.
He’s been on the road for Jim 13 years and, “In addition to the lights and batteries, he also carries an mp3 player which plays Christmas music for everyone,” says Liza.
But wait !!!! Mp3 player – you say? That means ……
Not to worry, though. Vivendi Universal, EMI, Warner Music and Sony BMG’s RIAA is out there, zealously spreading its Christmas leer.
“Enforcement agents from the Recording Industry Association of America (RIAA) put a sudden and decisive stop to a flagrant violation of intellectual property rights in the Bothell area on Tuesday,” says Naked Loon entertainment reporter Alfred Matthew, going on »»»
The RIAA legal department — which makes up 97% of the organization — learned of the notorious ‘Northshore Christmas Biker’ thanks to a tip from Citizen Rain, a Seattle-area community blog operated by KING 5 Television.
According to Citizen Rain, Jim Olsen of Bothell has utilized the seemingly-innocuous cover of ’spreading Christmas cheer’ to engage in the unlawful and immoral practice of publicly broadcasting copyrighted music for over a decade.
RIAA Bootleg Statisticians (or ‘BSers’) have calculated that for every mile he rides his mobile copyright violation machine, Olsen deprives artists of $150,000. Over the course of the last decade, RIAA BSers estimate that the Northshore Christmas Biker has been directly responsible for over three hundred million dollars in lost revenue, and is personally responsible for the starvation of no fewer than eight RIAA artists.
‘We take copyright violations very seriously,’ said RIAA spokesman Mitch Sherman. ‘When we learned of this repeat offender, we immediately dispatched our Seattle-based intellectual-property enforcement squad to eliminate the threat.’
A squad of seventeen black-clad RIAA agents staked out a route known to be favored by the Northshore Christmas Biker on Tuesday night. When Olsen approached, they leapt out of the shadows, knocked him off his Christmas-light-speckled transport, and whisked him and his electronic copyright infringement device away to an RIAA holding cell in an undisclosed location.
‘Over the years, we have learned that evil hard-bitten criminal scum come in all shapes and sizes, from seven-year-old girls to grandmas,’ said Sherman. ‘But rest assured, Mr. Olsen will be afforded the same legal protections as the thousands of other music ’sharing’ communist sympathizers we have detained in the last decade.’
RIAA agents encourage anyone that is witness to any form of musical copyright violation to call their intellectual property hotline at 800-373-6789 (800-FRDM-SUX).
DAMN! It’s good to know the RIAA is on the job!
It’s usually issued its traditional Christmas threats by this time.
There’s been nothing so far, but we’re sure that’ll be remedied soon.
Meanwhile, “Remember, you get what you pay for,” said p2pnet last December, going on »»»
Right. And ironically, the message comes from Warner Music, EMI, Vivendi Universal and Sony BMG’s RIAA in Part II of its cynical, distorted and desperate bid to use the Christmas holidays to boost sales.
Of course, it’s absolutely right.
So don’t make your son/daughter/husband/wife/or significant other unhappy with a gift of Corporate Crap.
Instead, spend your hard-earned cash on an indie release, or buy from one of the numerous online indie music sites and find COOL NEW MUSIC as well
Stay tuned.
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Citizen Rain – North Shore Christmas Biker rides again, December 8, 2008
Naked Loon – RIAA Enforcers Take Down Unauthorized Christmas Cyclist, December 9, 2008
p2pnet – RIAA Christmas humbug, December 15, 2008
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December 10th, 2008 at 11:54 am
I LOVE your comedic relief Jon, I actually envisioned the RIAA reading this and thinking:
‘We SHOULD build a ‘Men-In-Black’-esque enforcement crack swat team to pummel sheeple into buying more crap’.
I can just envision these thugs jumping out of the bushes, all 15, to tackle little Jenny and her diabolical mp3 player.
ha x 10000000000000!
December 10th, 2008 at 12:22 pm
I too, enjoy the comic relief in this. But this just makes me wanna PUKE.
December 10th, 2008 at 12:34 pm
ya right LMAO
i’d like to see them stop me on my bike during the x-mas run for kids, the harley kind ROFL
i wonder who would win … the pitbull or them?
oh and there’s the question of bike security, if they mess with it things tend to go booom
i don’t think it’s hard to wire in a boom box or stereo just for this purpose
btw: i’ll be sure to pass this article to other riders LOL
thanx Jon , good one
December 10th, 2008 at 3:47 pm
Chistmas tunes can’t be copyrighted anyways. Most of them are folk songs written hundreds of years ago. Death to the music industry.
December 10th, 2008 at 3:49 pm
Love the references to “Don’t Download this Song.”
Arse, some of those songs aren’t copyrighted, but the performances are. That’s like saying Kenneth Branagh’s movie of Much Ado About Nothing can’t be copyrighted because the play is four hundred years old.