I am an addict: Jon Newton, p2pnet
My view Freedom | P2P:- If layout constraints didn’t force headline size limitations on me, I’d have slugged this post:
I Am An Addict, or, How I Quit Using Drugs and Alcohol and Rejoined The Human Race.
“I’m a 30-year-old guy trapped in a 67-year-old body,” I said recently in a Thank You to readers who’d helped me out – a lot – in deciding whether or not p2pnet should keep on keeping on.
But I shouldn’t have said ‘trapped” I went on, because, “Considering the abuses I subjected it [my body] to before I stopped using drugs and alcohol, I shouldn`t be here at all. So, body, thanks to you as well. 
”
Nor was this the first time I’d mentioned I’m a recovering user who’s always one drink, one snort, one needle, one joint, one tab, away from crashing right back to where I started.
“How about blogging a bit on how you got off the booze?” asked Axe in a Reader’s Write.
OK, Axe, and I’d be interested to know why you want to know. But only if you want to tell me, of course.
For now, this how I got off booze (and drugs and cigarettes):
Minute-by-minute.
Literally.
But before I go into more detail, a few words on how I got hooked in the first place.
Anything to get stoned
In medical terminology, an addiction is a state in which the body relies on a substance for normal functioning and develops physical dependence, as in drug addiction. When the drug or substance on which someone is dependent is suddenly removed, it will cause withdrawal, a characteristic set of signs and symptoms. Addiction is generally associated with increased drug tolerance ~ Wikipedia.
Age 13. First drink. Stole a bottle of whisky from the back of a truck. Drank some. Got sick. Drank some more.
Age 17. Can’t do without alcohol, although I haven’t realized it. Also discover sniffing petrol is a great way to get dizzy.
Age 22. Speed and I come together and form an instant attachment. My girl-friend’s mother’s lodger is a Pfizer rep. He introduces me to Preludin, a weight-loss product banned long ago. I also discover Benzedrex Inhalers, now also banned. They’re filled with evil smelling packing. Swallowing the stuff makes you gag. And the taste! But what the hell, eh? It gets you where you want to go.
Age 30. I’m a hard-core piss arteest and devoted user of anything-that’ll-get-you-high. Or low. Depending on the circumstances.
Fast forward to 1979 and I’m hooked on alcohol and weed, but still functioning. Kind of. Half the time I can’t remember what I did yesterday, but who cares? That’s mere detail.
Fast forward again to 1987 and a typical day now goes like this »»»
Surface. Could be AM or PM. Grope around for the bottle of cheap sherry I put on the floor beside me last night.
Swallow half to kill the shakes before they start.
Throw up.
Swallow the other half.
Light a joint if I have one. If I don’t, search for roaches, or scrape the gunk from the bong bowl. Success or not, get dressed and start the rounds, looking for someone to scrounge off.
Score cash by various means. Buy sherry for tomorrow. Score dope.
Eat. Or maybe not.
Sit in a bar until throw-out time.
Go back to wherever I’m crashing.
Crash.
Start all over again.
Peace and calm
Then one day I decide I’ve had enough.
I wake up, drink the sherry, throw up, drink the other half. But this time I have a plan. It’s going to be a beautiful, glorious day.
And here’s why.
It’ll be my last day. So this time, I blow all my cash on a mega-bottle of booze and a lot of Aspirin. Or maybe it was something else.
But I experience a vast, wonderful feeling of peace and calm.
Because there won’t be any more days like yesterday.
And I can clearly remember that day, even more than 20 years later.
However, someone comes back early, I end up in hospital and the staff figure if I survive at all, I’ll be a vegetable.
But that’s when I stop. Right?
No.
I keep it up for another six months and then I end up in the Donwood Institute in Toronto, a recovery hospital that’s now closed, unfortunately for people like me.
Yesterday is history and tomorrow is a mystery
My experiences before, during and after would fill a book — a book no one would believe — and it takes me years to get back on my feet again.
With the unswerving help of Liz, who’s now my wife. And Rick, who stuck by me through it all. And Brian from Hugs not Drugs, happy again as a teacher. And Kathleen K, who’s now somewhere in the US having been terribly injured in Afghanistan by a roadside bomb.
And other people, of course.
I go to Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous meetings and I hear people describing their new lives and I think to myself, This can never be me.
But after a while, I’m far enough away from my last drink or toke to begin to understand a few things.
While you’re using, only one aspect of yourself is allowed to exist. And this part of you has only one interest: getting stoned.
I used to believe I couldn’t do any of the things I did while I was using. Play guitar. Draw. Write. But I was wrong. Big Time wrong.
It’s not a trick
I could go on, but there’s a bottom line, and it’s this:
None of us has any more than the one single minute of time that’s our life. And knowing that, we can survive anything.
Anything at all.
We can’t resist a drink. Or a smoke. Or a bar of chocolate for a week. Or day. Or an hour.
But we can do it for the minute we’re in. And the minute after that. And the minute after that.
It seems dumb. But think about it.
It’s not a trick.
All you have is right now, it’s all you’ve ever had, and it’s never been any other way.
And right now, there’s nothing that can defeat you.
I hope that’s what you wanted, Axe. If it isn’t, let me know.
And if there’s anyone else who’d like to talk about how it is, or was, get in touch.
And one more thing: a book that helped me in the beginning and which I still dip into now and then is The Meditations by Marcus Aurelius.
It’s not for everyone, but maybe it’ll help you. 
Cheers! And all the best …
Jon – p2pnet @ shaw dot ca
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January 9th, 2009 at 4:11 pm
‘what doesnt kill you, will only make you stronger.’
your fortitude and determination is a direct reason why you got to be ’30′. I am honored that you accept my bantering ‘editorials’ for p2pnet Jon, you are a better man than I.
ex-cocaine addict (23 years clean), surfer.
stw
January 9th, 2009 at 4:53 pm
tx for sharing this.
from an 10 years ex-Heroin addict,
now struggling with alcoholics,
hopefully finding a way out.
January 9th, 2009 at 7:06 pm
This has no place here! Really, you have gone too far!
January 9th, 2009 at 7:27 pm
Wow thats amazing
Great post
January 9th, 2009 at 7:28 pm
this IS a peer to peer forum, and discussing personal achievements to your peers has a place here.
January 9th, 2009 at 7:56 pm
@ âThis has no place here!â
I thought long and hard about whether or not to post this, and one of the reasons I did is because itâs been a long time since I harked back and I think it did me good.
And maybe my experience will help someone else. Who knows?
But as with any post on p2pnet, if you donât like it, move on. Same applies to p2pnet itself. And I donât mean that in an unkind way.
Cheers!
January 9th, 2009 at 8:15 pm
uhm…I’m a little overwhelmed here. I am sorry if my ‘off subject’ request has caused any controversy. Really sorry. But at the same time, I have read this article multiple times. I’ll see if I can pull it together and respond to you a bit later.
Thank you so much for this article. And I’m sorry if I got you off topic.
Axe
P.S. – If you were thinking about your relevancy in the topic you have chosen to write about for the past 6 years, think again….maybe your life experience is where you can really make a difference. Just a thought from someone that you have just made to sit down and think.
January 9th, 2009 at 8:34 pm
@ Axe.
No need to aplogise, m8. No worries, and no problem. I run off topic stuff all the time so whereâs the harm if I do an OT post of my own?
Consider this as just a long comment post to your comment post, but on a separate page.
Itâs good for me to once in a while remind myself how I came to be where I am, and to be grateful for it.
So you did me a favour.
Cheers! And thanks â¦
January 9th, 2009 at 10:07 pm
That’s a fantastic achievement you’ve done there, Jon. You’ve admitted the problem and gone from a druggie waster and loser to someone with a family life and a people’s rights campaigner. It must have been really hard to do get out of that rut, well done.
That’s a whole lot more than many people ever achieve.
Myself, I’m glad to say that I’ve never had a drink or drug problem, but don’t underestimate the uphill struggle for those that do.
January 10th, 2009 at 2:42 am
most have struggles in their lives, some more than others, we’ll never know since we are not them, we can only guess and maybe feel a tiny part of it or see a reflection of ourselves
i was up to case of 24 and a mickey to 40 pounder a day upped over 10 yr span, add speeders uppers downers smoke .. think i did ‘em all
i woke up one day close to wells gray park, middle of nowhere, not knowing how i got there, talk about a wake up call … quit cold turkey with no withdrawals, well i still smoke cigs
i had to relearn everything, what really put me back in shape is tai chi, thanx Scotty
over 25 yrs later and doing great, can still burn out most kids
similar as Jon, the book that could never be published
January 10th, 2009 at 4:33 am
Thank you.
January 10th, 2009 at 4:36 am
Interesting read. Thanks for sharing.
January 10th, 2009 at 10:22 am
I’m fortunate not to have an addictive personality (if that’s the term), except perhaps chocolate. I’ve tried all manner of things: E, speed, pot, lsd, solvents, spirits, and I have this ability to just stop when ever I like. Though I wouldn’t risk taking heroin, crack, or them kind of things. I have seen others descend into severe drug addiction, and it’s frightening; in fact that caused me to give up drugs even for recreational purposes. One person I knew had the most horrific solvent addiction and ended up brain damaged. When I stopped he just carried on…
January 10th, 2009 at 1:58 pm
Its all down to willpower and beliefs, i have tried everything and anything, and i admit i do smoke a bit too much weed, but i seem to not get addicted to anything, i can have a laugh with people and then not touch that drug for months, but i know others who have tried it because they felt it was their only option and ended up being addicts, i guess addiction really is down to how happy you are with yourself
January 10th, 2009 at 2:47 pm
@ tst ^^
“i admit i do smoke a bit too much weed, but i seem to not get addicted to anything”
I can remember saying much the same.
Cheers!
January 12th, 2009 at 10:52 am
Beautiful. Thank you for sharing Jon.
October 19th, 2009 at 5:50 pm
Hi Jon,
Sir, we all fall off the wagon every now and then but I personally have always found you to be a person
of integrity and am sure this is just a rough patch your going through.
Regards,
Holoman
October 19th, 2009 at 6:03 pm
@ 3Dmike:
I haven’t fallen off the wagon. I’ve been clean and sober since 1987. This post is about things as they were, not as they are.
But thanks ayway …
Cheers!
February 2nd, 2010 at 12:37 pm
Me and my partner have been off weed for a month. Feels amazing–so much has happened that is positive in the last few weeks. Determined to make it a year or more, sounds pathetic, but it’s a goal. Hopefully this pot fast will end up being for like a lifetime, and hopefuly I can help others eventually. I’m addicted to weed and used to say the same thing that other guy was saying, that it’s not addictive. It is. I’ve seen the past 9 years since 9/11 fly by in a puff. Here’s to a day at a time. Thanks for your inspiration.
February 2nd, 2010 at 12:55 pm
@ leroy
And if you can’t make it through a day, do it by the hour. If not by the hour, then by the minute. I did it by the minute. And it worked.
Cheers!
February 2nd, 2010 at 2:03 pm
Hi again Leroy:
http://www.p2pnet.net/story/34984
Thanks for giving me an opportunity to do another post.
Cheers!
June 29th, 2010 at 10:39 pm
Which was the hardest to let go off? The drugs, booze or smokes?
Think I can kill someone for a smoke at times.
(Note: think, not actually do.)
Doc’s say I have lesions in the lung and something about the graniolies (something like that). I don’t remember the words and couldn’t care less. They said I have to do “control scans” every six months now to see if these things increase in size.
I had forgotten about this post you made till now. Over a year later. Cancer scares later. Like, as if it matters at this point.
“But we can do it for the minute we’re in.”
Will try my best to remember these words even if I’ve already passed the point of no return.
Powerful words.
Thanks Jon.
June 29th, 2010 at 11:32 pm
@RW: ‘Which was the hardest to let go off?’
Not something you need to think about.
“point of no return”
No such point.
Cheers!