Comments on: Man murders wife over Facebook row

By: Saskatchewan Pirate

Saskatchewan Pirate — Mon, 26 Jan 2009 16:33:55 +0000

@EagleRace1: Hrm, not sure if you actually meant to direct your comments at me or if there was just a simple misunderstanding. Everyone has insecurities and I’ll admit that I’m certainly not immune. None have anything to do with my wife though. We trust each other explicitly. We’ve been together happily since high school (class of 89) and about the only violence I’ve ever directed her way was back in our first year or two together. I can’t even remember what I was frustrated about but I remember throwing the VCR remote which ended up hitting her. It was more of an accident than anything because I never actually meant to hit her. My cousin was the one who helped me to realize that regardless of what ones intentions may be, you can still hurt the people you love. That was the one and only incident thankfully as I’ve never lost my temper like that since. I know now that these are all learned behaviors from my own father, someone I don’t want to be anything
like if I can help it. While he worked hard to take care of my mother and me, he was never what I would call a good man. If you ever need to figure out where a persons negative traits stem from, look no further than the role models they were surrounded by as a child. I’ve moaned about this before here at p2pnet and taken flak for it but the sad depressing truth is that irresponsible parents usual do equate to irresponsible children more often than not. After all, it’s hard to teach your offspring something you don’t know anything about yourself. While this certainly doesn’t come anywhere close to being an excuse worthy of giving the murderer in this p2pnet story some slack (hey, cold blooded murder is wrong no matter what universe you come from!) he definitely doesn’t deserve 100% the blame. The people who raised him to manhood and even society itself are just as much to blame for failing the both of them and oh so many others. Nobody wants to hear that
though. Everyone wants to be free to act every bit as irresponsible as they choose while not being culpable for any of their actions. This perpetual sense of (delusional) self entitlement we all feel affects every single facet of the human race as a species and is what I think will ultimately dictate whether we survive or die out. I hate to say it but from where I’m sitting it’s looking more and more likely that we’re all fraking doomed. Time will tell I guess, but for now just look at how we treat p2p. It’s morally wrong, we all know it even if we refuse to admit it, but do we stop? Not a chance (and yes, I’m just as guilty too).

@David: Great comment. Couldn’t agree with you more.

By: Reader's Write

Reader's Write — Mon, 26 Jan 2009 16:24:56 +0000

@David: Great comment. Couldn’t agree with you more.

By: IratePirate

IratePirate — Mon, 26 Jan 2009 13:52:11 +0000

Blaming Facebook as well as pharmacological factors are both the easy way out. Sure, the latter does have a tendency to amplify social problems, but they are usually problems that were always there. The root issue here has and always will be how people think of and treat one another. It’s not just a matter of trust but also one of respect for both partners. Loving someone (not to be confused with desiring someone) is simply not enough. If you don’t have both then there is a very good chance your relationship is doomed to eventual failure right from the start. All strong healthy relationships get that way through work and effort. Sadly this is something our role models tend not to teach us. In many cases (my own included) it is because we don’t see it with our own parents while growing up that we end up being just like them. Quite often we don’t like to admit that, which is also part of the problem seeing as we tend to see the worst parts of ourselves reflected in the eyes of those we love and hurt. Deep down, even though we may not want to, we slowly begin to despise that person, not realizing it is actually something about ourselves that we really hate. Another factor that doesn’t help is the capitalist nature of our society. Right from very young we are taught that the acquisition of wealth and all things beautiful are lofty ideals to aspire to. This is why I do not find it at all surprising in cases such as these that a sense of self entitlement and ownership tends to be involved as well. Over time we tend to delude ourselves into believing we somehow own our significant other and it is an easy trap to fall into. Many have a tough time coping when suddenly faced with the reality that they do not. It tends to be worse for men not only because of the way we’re built physiologically (the younger we are the more testosterone we have), but also because society and our fathers (and their fathers before them) we’re taught that men should never show emotion or talk about their feelings. Without previous experience to draw on and a penchant to “man up” and deal with our problems (which are now all bottled up to the point of exploding) I find it not at all surprising how often we read news such as this. This is where booze and drugs tend to come into the picture. Not only does it help us cope by forgetting our problems (for a little while at least), it also helps uncork that bottle of pent up emotion, which as we know is already under pressure and just waiting to be released not at all unlike like a caged wild animal. Predictably, tragedy often ensues.

By: Dude from Finland

Dude from Finland — Mon, 26 Jan 2009 09:21:58 +0000

Funny… post on post discussing how Facebook affects the world around us and not a single mention towards the fact that the guy was wasted on booze and stoned on cocaine. So yeah blame facebook and not the booze or drugs. And to the mother whose daughter uses facebook and her husband doesn’t know, there is usually little to no trust on the part of a cheating spouse. I mean that even though he cares for her there might be some history of unfaithfullness on his part. I have seen it in my own relationships. I have never cheated on a girl but I have had my girlfriend cheat on me and she was extremely jealous. I don’t mean to say that is the case 100% of the time but it’s just my experience.

By: Reader's Write

Reader's Write — Sun, 25 Jan 2009 18:10:15 +0000

@EagleRace1: Hrm, not sure if you actually meant to direct your comments at me or if there was just a simple misunderstanding. Everyone has insecurities and I’ll admit that I’m certainly not immune. None have anything to do with my wife though. We trust each other explicitly. We’ve been together happily since high school (class of 89) and about the only violence I’ve ever directed her way was back in our first year or two together. I can’t even remember what I was frustrated about but I remember throwing the VCR remote which ended up hitting her. It was more of an accident than anything because I never actually meant to hit her. My cousin was the one who helped me to realize that regardless of what ones intentions may be, you can still hurt the people you love. That was the one and only incident thankfully as I’ve never lost my temper like that since. I know now that these are all learned behaviors from my own father, someone I don’t want to be anything like if I can help it. While he worked hard to take care of my mother and me, he was never what I would call a good man. If you ever need to figure out where a persons negative traits stem from, look no further than the role models they were surrounded by as a child. I’ve moaned about this before here at p2pnet and taken flak for it but the sad depressing truth is that irresponsible parents usual do equate to irresponsible children more often than not. After all, it’s hard to teach your offspring something you don’t know anything about yourself. While this certainly doesn’t come anywhere close to being an excuse worthy of giving the murderer in this p2pnet story some slack (hey, cold blooded murder is wrong no matter what universe you come from!) he definitely doesn’t deserve 100% the blame. The people who raised him to manhood and even society itself are just as much to blame for failing the both of them and oh so many others. Nobody wants to hear that though. Everyone wants to be free to act every bit as irresponsible as they choose while not being culpable for any of their actions. This perpetual sense of (delusional) self entitlement we all feel affects every single facet of the human race as a species and is what I think will ultimately dictate whether we survive or die out. I hate to say it but from where I’m sitting it’s looking more and more likely that we’re all fraking doomed. Time will tell I guess, but for now just look at how we treat p2p. It’s morally wrong, we all know it even if we refuse to admit it, but do we stop? Not a chance (and yes, I’m just as guilty too).

@David: Great comment. Couldn’t agree with you more.

By: IP

IP — Sun, 25 Jan 2009 18:09:26 +0000

@EagleRace1: Hrm, not sure if you actually meant to direct your comments at me or if there was just a simple misunderstanding. Everyone has insecurities and I’ll admit that I’m certainly not immune. None have anything to do with my wife though. We trust each other explicitly. We’ve been together happily since high school (class of 89) and about the only violence I’ve ever directed her way was back in our first year or two together. I can’t even remember what I was frustrated about but I remember throwing the VCR remote which ended up hitting her. It was more of an accident than anything because I never actually meant to hit her. My cousin was the one who helped me to realize that regardless of what ones intentions may be, you can still hurt the people you love. That was the one and only incident thankfully as I’ve never lost my temper like that since. I know now that these are all learned behaviors from my own father, someone I don’t want to be anything like if I can help it. While he worked hard to take care of my mother and me, he was never what I would call a good man. If you ever need to figure out where a persons negative traits stem from, look no further than the role models they were surrounded by as a child. I’ve moaned about this before here at p2pnet and taken flak for it but the sad depressing truth is that irresponsible parents usual do equate to irresponsible children more often than not. After all, it’s hard to teach your offspring something you don’t know anything about yourself. While this certainly doesn’t come anywhere close to being an excuse worthy of giving the murderer in this p2pnet story some slack (hey, cold blooded murder is wrong no matter what universe you come from!) he definitely doesn’t deserve 100% the blame. The people who raised him to manhood and even society itself are just as much to blame for failing the both of them and oh so many others. Nobody wants to hear that though. Everyone wants to be free to act every bit as irresponsible as they choose while not being culpable for any of their actions. This perpetual sense of (delusional) self entitlement we all feel affects every single facet of the human race as a species and is what I think will ultimately dictate whether we survive or die out. I hate to say it but from where I’m sitting it’s looking more and more likely that we’re all fraking doomed. Time will tell I guess, but for now just look at how we treat p2p. It’s morally wrong, we all know it even if we refuse to admit it, but do we stop? Not a chance (and yes, I’m just as guilty too).

@David: Great comment. Couldn’t agree with you more.

By: x

Sun, 25 Jan 2009 04:32:25 +0000

why to even get married, at least for men, there really isn’t anything in it.

By: David

David — Sat, 24 Jan 2009 13:28:11 +0000

i’ll tell ya one thing for sure, the title of this article is despicable. The murder obviously was not caused by facebook…but a bunch of other underlying issues, and if it wasn’t one thing, it would’ve been something else. The article was named as such for shock value, to cause people to care about the story out of FEAR more than genuine interest. And i’ll just be blunt here and say….the regular instilling of fear into society by the media is one of the factors behind aggressive acts like this. All these stories are worded with intent to make people fearful of and jump to conclusions about things they would normally have a neutral opinion regarding. Throw in drugs, which this guy was obviously involved in, and now you have a murder. Don’t blame facebook….blame the vicious cycle of the shameless portrayal of the human condition by the media.

By: EagleRace1

EagleRace1 — Sat, 24 Jan 2009 09:51:11 +0000

Yes, i agree that both of them should seek counseling. I totally disagree with how IP words things for the most part. Sounded to me that his insecurities and feelings of hurt instead come from a real place and situation; where he sees his wife carrying herself in a loose and infidel manner. His “righteous anger” or “what he might do” is not the problem, a couple cannot stay together when one is cheating and distant and forces the other to be untrusting of the other one. Socially, it’s a shame more stronger women in this world do not bother changing laws that deal with being more fairer in divorce settlements. If he was to get 95% of the assets and alimony for the next 20 years, maybe some men would just kick her out instead of feeling the passion to resort to such violence, so get on it, feminists, walk the walk. Woman who are cheated on put a frying pan upside their husband’s head, call the police on him, have him kicked out on the violent streets, get 95% of the assets, alimony and child support, it doesnt take a pyche major to figure out why men settle things like men. We can only put up with the weaker sex and this kind of behavior before something snaps, most women call 911, most men resort to being ungentlemanlike and well, manly. He should be recording everything on her PC with NetNanny so her spoiled american daughter doesnt get more than whats coming to her. Harder said than done when passion is involved. I guess sometimes you need a dish smashing scene (or in this case, a PC smashing scene) before you call in your couselors and clergy. Thats your son under God too by the way.

By: IP

IP — Sat, 24 Jan 2009 07:05:14 +0000

^^ Sounds like the problem isn’t your daughter or anything having to do with jealousy. The jealousy and misplaced aggression are just a symptom of a bigger issue. Your son-in-law clearly has serious insecurities and the two of them should probably seek professional counseling. A couple simply cannot have any kind of a healthy relationship if there is little to no trust between one or both of them. Sadly it is a tale as old as time itself and one that can often lead to tragedy. In fact there was a man who killed his wife here where I live not too long ago. The couple lived just half a block away from me and it turns out that my father and he also worked together at the same company. He is currently serving a life sentence at the prison my wife (of twenty years) works at. Sadly this kind of violence happens all too often and closer to home than many people realize I think.

By: to j.k

to j.k — Sat, 24 Jan 2009 01:51:15 +0000

My married daughter uses facebook. She says if her husband ever finds out, he’d be furious cause he’s a jealous man and often worries about her cheating on him. I’m sorry, but facebook does cause arguments where there is no trust..sad, but true. I asked her what was worth more to her, playing her games, or her marriage. Guess she has to figure that one out all by herself. Her husband is a good man, works hard, treats her great as well as spoils her. Other than the jealousy issue, she’s a very happy lady otherwise.

By: J.K.

J.K. — Fri, 23 Jan 2009 20:09:14 +0000

WoW… Talk about needing to get out of the house more! O_O

let me guess, next they’ll be saying that facebook causes violence, Like the whole video games malarkey!?

people are so full of shit!

By: Reader's Write

Reader's Write — Fri, 23 Jan 2009 19:10:00 +0000

and people wonder why I avoid sites like facebook.
waste of time and effort.
not to mention that companies research applicants through these sites