John Zeee: ‘I liked to be a drunk’
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p2pnet now has many thousands of posts dating back to July, 2002, one of them running just after Christmas a couple of years ago. It was headlined Homeless people’s $100K victory against Toronto.
In a comment post which went up today, “I have lived on the street for 8 years because I did not want to abide by any rules, I liked to be a drunk, I liked the fact that I could make more money begging without working and yes I used any excuse I could to justify my parasitic existence,” says John Zeeee in a Reader’s Write.
I know exactly what he means. In January, 2009, I wrote, “If layout constraints didn’t force headline size limitations on me, I’d have slugged this post: I Am An Addict, or, How I Quit Using Drugs and Alcohol and Rejoined The Human Race.”
I started drinking when I was 13, added drugs soon after, and finally stopped in 1987. And reading John’s story made me once again realise just how lucky I am in so many ways.
“Yes I said parasitic, I contributed nothing to the community of Toronto, but naturally i expected all of my needs to be met by others, who actually worked for a living,” he says, going on >>>
I was offered help numerous times but i would just blame everybody and eveything around me wah wah wah. I finally realized I had become a total detriment to the community, so I did reach out for help via St. Mikes detox I went to a rehab, I obeyed the rules, I began to get clearheaded, I decided to go to a shelter in York Region Porter Place and I was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Sress Disorder as well as alcoholism by a Psychiatrist provided by york region mental health and I have gotten help with these two diseases.
I have been housed for the past four years in a town home in York Region I have a small income via O.D. S.P. which I manage to stretch out through the month, vry carefully. This only happened because I finally took responsibility for my own life , I stopped blaming and pointing fingers, With the aid of some very dedicated people I am decently housed I have real friends today and I live like any ordinary citizen, oh and the best part is I do not draw attention to myself from the police becuase I am no longer a drunk I do not beg people for money.
I was also diagnosed with terminal kidney cancer ( totally due to lifestyle choice my responsibility) and for the past three years I am living on experimental drugs via Princess Margaret hospital. These drugs will not cure the cancer but slow it down.
My suggestion to the homeless is stop the blame game, start taking responsibility for your own lives take the help that is offered to you, stop your parasitic lifestyles get to a rehab, if you need help, and if you have mental issues, get the help that is readily availeable.
Despite the fact that the cancer will kill me I have, tremendous hope I have lived in a decent townhome for 4 years I have every reason to love the life I am living, and I am no longer trapped by my own destructive desires.
He adds:
“I am not anti homeless but I know first hand that homelessness is a choice ( except for the seriously mentally ill or severely disabled but in toronto there are numerous services available to help with both afflictions . There are group homes for the mentally disabled, where their meds are distributed as prescribed, and psychiatric appointments are kept. all in all there are solutions to this miasma available to those who choose to pull themselves up with the help of social workers, organizations and services.
“I wish all of you the best in acheiving a decent life , and I hope for much success in your efforts to improve your lives.”
In my own story, the one I mentioned earlier, “None of us has any more than the one single minute of time that’s our life,” I said, “And knowing that, we can survive anything. Anything at all.
“We can’t resist a drink. Or a smoke. Or a bar of chocolate for a week. Or day. Or an hour. But we can do it for the minute we’re in. And the minute after that. And the minute after that.
“All you have is right now, it’s all you’ve ever had, and it’s never been any other way. And right now, there’s nothing that can defeat you.”
Thank you for sharing, John. And all the best, mate.
Jon Newton – recovering addict
..… and identi.ca
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win ~ Mahatma Gandhi
January, 2010
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January 10th, 2010 at 10:35 pm
I am sorry Jon but this kind of thing has no place on this kind of site.
Goodbye.
January 10th, 2010 at 10:59 pm
^^ If this is what it takes to turn you away, I’m sorry for you.
Cheers!
January 10th, 2010 at 11:48 pm
Thats a pretty bad post for an anon.I actually liked this topic.And I plan on trying to quit drinking tomorrow as I’m an alcoholic who also smokes like a chimney.This was my NY’s resolution.To quit drinking so that I could quit smoking.May have to give up coffee also lol.One follows the other and they are very hard habits to break.The plus side is is that I could save a $100 or so that I pay per week on beer and maybe buy something nice like a new pc.
January 10th, 2010 at 11:55 pm
“I am sorry Jon but this kind of thing has no place on this kind of site.”
Whatever the fuck that means!
Perhaps, since you have some preconceived idea about what “belongs here” (whatever the fuck that means!), maybe you should be writing some of that stuff for p2pnet. You know, the great thing about this site is, Jon is willing to accept any interesting material from anyone, and post it on its own page, and people are free to comment pretty much any way they want about it.
I’m assuming you’ve been here more than once, as you’re addressing Jon.
Instead of just saying you didn’t approve of this page, why the hell didn’t you offer some explanation of why?! That kind of input is part and parcel of this site’s “philosophy”.
Personally, I couldn’t give a rat’s ass if you never come back.
The only question would be, why did you come here?? What have you been expecting from this site, that lead to such “extreme disappointment” you had to announce your departure?
January 11th, 2010 at 12:01 am
I can guess what he would say “It’s off topic” IE not p2p related. To which I would say: It’s Jon’s site – end of discussion.
January 11th, 2010 at 1:17 am
lol D.A.’s comments to the comment cracked me up.
andyb, good luck!
Start with the beer, get adjusted. replace it with coffee for now and keep smoking. Once thats gone or limited to a bottle of wine a week (for comparison), then do the coffee and smokes at the same time.
All 3 at the same time are sure to make you rebound back on the booze (and you can’t have a brew w/o a smoke!).
January 11th, 2010 at 3:19 am
Now for the “unfunny” part of the comments…
I see the potential for one bad message contained in John Zeee’s writing…
“I know first hand that homelessness is a choice…”
I’ve lived, worked, thrived and fell on my ass more than once during the more than 45 years I’ve been in Toronto. I’m not denying there are some obvious examples of those who choose the street. But, I also know several people who have lost their apartments, despite valiant efforts to stay employed. And, they’ve tried constantly to communicate with their creditors, the Social Service network, and the Government directly, only to have to move to the streets. “The System” wouldn’t help them.
Some of these people are married couples, and some of those have young children. “The System” still wouldn’t help them.
All of these people I’m talking about had no drug dependencies, nor were they alcoholics, disabled or mentally ill. They just lost their jobs and failed to find any real replacement employment in time. And not one of them refused to consider alternate careers or any other opportunity they could qualify for.
I watched, as each one of them watched themselves in horror, as their EI coverage ran out, and Social Services wouldn’t qualify them for enough or even any assistance. They had to then take other actions, such as withdraw whatever they might have in retirement funds (often losing half of its worth in the doing), and sell whatever assets and personal affects they could, in order to pay the bills once or twice more. Most file for bankruptcy at this stage or earlier.
Eventually, they end up back at Social Services (the ones who simply “couldn’t” help earlier), who will help them ONLY if they either move to a subsidized residence, move to a registered group home, or move to a residence whose rent is below the poverty line. (Welfare won’t sponsor you if your rent is even considered lower than a reasonable average.) The places they want you to move to never have enough space or resources to take all your life’s possessions with you, you have to sell or give away what you can’t store. The story doesn’t end here for a number of them.
A few of these people went through a more “streamlined” story – they were on the street for varying periods of time BEFORE any part of the social net would assume some responsibility to help them.
In all the cases I had to witness, NONE of these people had any choice in the matter.
They were among the increasing number of victims in this trend we have allowed for a few decades now where corporations have been allowed to operate with no responsibility to the welfare of the working public, while they maximize their bottom lines. There’s no controls that benefit society anymore, such as any limit to how low they keep their headcounts, or keeping wages in pace with the cost of living, and benefits are practically a thing of the past.
Geez, even when you are “lucky” enough to find a job now, there’s no pay scale on even the most “specialized” of jobs, and “trades” have been watered down to a McDonaldland type of employment now. They never make the initial salary offer anymore – THEY get to ask YOU how much you’re “expecting”, putting you at a further disadvantage. It’s been an “employer’s market” for far too long. They’re able to exploit the huge volume of people desperate for work, allowing the wage expectations themselves to be “competitive”. (Hey, if you don’t take it for cheap, there’s a lineup behind you of people who will, because they now HAVE TO.)
Some of the people I spoke of are finally back to work, some after spending significant time on the street, and some of those after having to drag their kids out there along with them. They’ve still lost everything from life-accumulated assets to countless possessions that made up a once hopeful life. Most are in counselling, as they’ve lost “much of themselves” in the duration.
Some of them are still out there now, on the street, and have given up. But, here’s the really sad part…
They’re now constantly being approached by various people from the City or Government branches of the social system with offers to take them off the streets and try to repair their lives in all sorts of ways… They just tell them to FOAD! They’re totally defeated and don’t trust anyone from the Government anymore.
_________________________________________
“…except for the seriously mentally ill or severely disabled but in toronto there are numerous services available to help with both afflictions. There are group homes for the mentally disabled, where their meds are distributed as prescribed, and psychiatric appointments are kept.”
My brother has schizophrenia. He’s been “in the System” for about 13 years now.
Before entering the system, he was on the streets for about 20 years. I am probably the only relative he has that has been involved in trying to keep him off the streets and give him whatever quality of life is possible to him.
Because of this, I’ve seen the whole picture. I’ve had to communicate with the Government, and have been through every arm of the system, spent time on the streets with him, passed through the various government-sponsored places he ended up being in, and dealt with the Police, hospitals and doctors tasked with dealing with him.
If you ask me if things are being done to address the problem of the mentally ill and the huge numbers of them being on the street, I’d say, well, “yes”. But I can tell you with solid conviction from the ongoing personal experience that not nearly enough is being done about it! Not even close!!
All these programs and projects that are on the go are completely STARVED for money and manpower. They’re limited in scope, resources, accountability and responsibility. They’re nothing but a band-aid in a problem that requires extensive surgery!
One of the major reasons for this is the lack of any helpful language in the Mental Health Act.
Most cases of mental illness don’t start at birth. Even when it does, it’s usually not evident until the person gets older, and noticeable symptoms begin to surface. One of the pivotal points in the life of someone who is mentally ill comes when they begin to display the appropriate red flags, and whether they get diagnosed and treated properly around that time. The Mental Health Act, however, forbids any attempts to diagnose or treat anyone against his/her will (regardless of whether that person is a direct relative), unless it can be proven there is a “danger to oneself, or a danger to others” if left untreated. And, the acceptable proof of either danger existing is virtually impossible given the rest of the document.
Though well-intentioned, this condition is far too restrictive and difficult to satisfy. Even when my brother was living on the street by choice, needlessly, and was actually killing himself a little more each day by literally starving himself and depriving himself of proper hygiene. He wasn’t hurting anyone else, but it was beyond me how he wasn’t proving to be a danger to himself. I had police officers looking out for him, and many people in the various voluntary service agencies checking on him and trying to coax him, and lots of programs referred to me to help him in various ways, but nothing existed to GET HIM OFF THE STREET.
I was actually told by authorities, they would have to arrest ME, if I did anything that could be conceived as “trying to force him” in any way. And, even if I could do that, no hospital would be allowed to take him, unless he signed himself in.
This went on for years and years, despite the fact that he had gotten himself into some “minor trouble” early in the game (BEFORE he lived on the street!), because of his delusional behaviour, which got him arrested and assessed as being a “full-blown paranoid schizophrenic”. Every part of the system that ever had him in their clutches at any time refused to keep him, and he was “out” within a day. The Mental Health Act prevents any part of the system from thinking any differently.
It wasn’t until we got some unsolicited involvement from Jack Layton (believe it, or not!) that we were able to convince the right people to take him in. By then, my brother had no teeth left (they all rotted away), a liver condition from drinking straight liquor (people gave to him) in order to stay warm, and a few other suspected health problems doctors are monitoring. (So much for not being a danger to himself. Thanks, Mental Health Act!)
There’s lots more I could tell you about the processes him (and I!) have been through since then, and the cracks they kept letting him fall through, but bottom line is nobody can tell me anything close to enough is being done about mental illness or homelessness. This whole system desperately needs a complete overhaul and a helluva lot more money injected into it, and Toronto is nothing more than a glaring example of the complete failure to care about and deal with this stuff.
At any given day, there are approximately 500 people living on Toronto’s streets.
None of them need be there…
1. Half of them suffer from mental illness – a realistic Mental Health Act could take care of that.
2. For those who lost their jobs and either couldn’t get help, or gave up, a better social net would help keep them off the street and benefit the economy by keeping them from falling so far they can’t contribute.
3. The ones who do it by choice should be removed, as they have proven to be an unnecessary burden to society – resources spent dealing with them on a day-to-day basis would be better directed at the rest. Many of them are “migrants” who hitchhike across the country and panhandle in different cities. Many are just teenagers who, for whatever reasons, would rather be on the street than deal with various problems at home – it might be beneficial to start examining what is wrong with these families and look for a proper solution. Maybe these people should be put to work, given mandatory public duties directed at improving the homeless problem – forcing them to see some of the “ugly” parts of street living might make them think twice about making it a “career”.