Bono appointed honourary Cardinal
p2pnet view Music:- In a rare honour awarded only seven times before, Paul David Hewson, KBE, best known as Bono, has been appointed an honourary cardinal.
Distinctions of this kind aren’t unknown to the Bishop of Rock, seen here shortly after his investiture.
Once nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize, he was granted an honorary knighthood by Queen Elizabeth II, named Person of the Year by Time magazine, and added to the exclusive list of Pillsbury Doughboy Doughboys.
He will now be entitled to style himself His Eminence, Cardinal Bono, Hons.
Eminences as a body belong to the College of Cardinals and elect a new pope from among their number.
Is there, then, a chance Bono may one day become God’s Main Man?
No. “Although we believe Cardinal Bono would make a really excellent pope, his title is purely honourific,” explained a Vatican spokesman.
As an honourary prince of the church, Bono is empowered to perform marriage ceremonies for people over the age of 18, as well as standard blessings.
“It’s a mind-blowing concept that the God who created the universe might be looking for company, a real relationship with people, but the thing that keeps me on my knees is the difference between Grace and Karma,” he once said.
And in another statement, “Even though I’m a believer, I still find it really hard to be around other believers. They make me nervous, they make me twitch. I sorta watch my back. Except when I’m with the black church.”
With his new holy rank Bono, adored by millions and an advisor to Microsoft founder Bill Gates, can call the pope by his first name.
“Don’t get me too excited because I use four letter words when I get excited and I don’t want to start off on the wrong foot,” he said when he was told of his appointment,
Bono’s robes, of satin velour, and shot-silk cape and cumberbund, are Gucci. His platinum Cross of Office is by Cartier.
___________________________________
Click here for p2pnet music downloads
___________________________________
..… and identi.ca
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win ~ Mahatma Gandhi
January, 2010
Use free p2pnet newsfeeds for your site. Subscribe to p2pnet.net | | rss feed: http://p2pnet.net/feed
Net access blocked by government restrictions? Use Psiphon from the Citizen Lab at the University of Toronto. Go here for details.
January 26th, 2010 at 9:19 am
Should be like this: Bono appointed honourary Cardinal. We found a link of collusion between the Church and corporate entertainment mafia.
January 26th, 2010 at 9:31 am
I think I just threw up a little
January 26th, 2010 at 9:52 am
Before this goes any further, Yes! This is a take-off. And Yes! I doctored the pic.
I always think these are so obviously come-ons no one could possibly take them seriously, But somehow …
This is my first spoof the year. More to follow.
Cheers!
January 26th, 2010 at 11:05 am
Too bad you chose a cardinal, I think he’s be more of a parakeet.
January 26th, 2010 at 12:55 pm
Maybe the Pope can get Bono to help him out with this http://news.cnet.com/8301-1023_3-10440461-93.html
“The pope is asking priests to become more media savvy by preaching to the faithful from the Internet as well as the pulpit.”
January 26th, 2010 at 3:23 pm
Well, Jon, you got me too. I thought this was for real.
Turkey.
January 26th, 2010 at 3:42 pm
@ Dorothy:
You mean you didn’t choke on the ‘exclusive list of Pillsbury Doughboy Doughboys’?
Cheers!
January 26th, 2010 at 5:04 pm
No matter how over the top a spoof is, there will always be people that never even queston it. The War of the Worlds radio broadcast might be a classic case.
Why no mention of this guy’s utter contempt for fans who download? Since he joined the anti-P2P bandwagon, Bono can -and should- go to Hell, cardinal or not.
January 26th, 2010 at 5:32 pm
This is hilarious!! Thanks for your hard work on this~
January 26th, 2010 at 7:03 pm
@Jon:
LMFAO!!!!
This has got to be one of your best “Gotcha!” pieces!!
It has this delightful balance of being so absurd it couldn’t be true, yet at the same time, so well-executed it raked in the victims. (Naturally, *I* wasn’t one of those!)
I got a kick out of the part where he would be empowered to perform marriage ceremonies, etc.
January 26th, 2010 at 7:49 pm
@ DA:
The really funny part is: the quotes are genuine. His Eminence really did say that (except for “I don’t want to start off on the wrong foot”).
Cheers!
January 26th, 2010 at 7:52 pm
Good one. Love the smirk on his face.
January 26th, 2010 at 9:22 pm
Re Pillsbury Doughboys: I didn’t read that part, only read some of the article, as I was rushing through p2pnet on a lunchbreak. That’s my excuse, and I’m stickin’ to it.
January 26th, 2010 at 9:50 pm
@ Dorothy.
Sure …
heh
Cheers!
January 27th, 2010 at 12:20 am
Got me, because I don’t see the difference between church (private enterprise) and the entertainment kartels (private enterprises).
January 27th, 2010 at 12:38 am
@Jon:
“…The really funny part is: the quotes are genuine.”
Yeah, I did remember some of those.
That was what I thought really made the execution good.