Send out the Liberian Navy and leave the US taxpayers alone!

The MPCA is in the process of databasing names and addresses of anyone caught illegally filming the scene in violation of screenplay copyright or anyone who might be tempted to talk to the tabloids with “inside stories” regarding the highly dramatic reenactment of one of the highlights of the film which is scheduled for release early in 2006. Confidential sources reveal that at least 130 persons were caught on film secretly filming the rehearsal with their personal vid-cams. Upper management at “Pirated Productions, Ltd.” was overwhelmingly pleased with the results of the carefully orchestrated sting.

The main musical theme (“They Don’t Wear Pants On The Other Side Of France”) is expected to become one the year’s highest grossing songs because the Recording Industry Cartel of America (RICA) has predicted a 97.5% success rate in the DRM legal actions already being planned.

Recent statistics have shown that the 97.5% success rate against persons who cannot afford to fight back is completely realistic and might, in fact, be conservative, especially in light of the number of judges that have 1) declined to Dismiss Upon Motion by Defendant asserting lack of in res or in persona jurisdiction, or 2) have upheld the rights of plaintiffs to proceed even where the action is flawed asserting that defects can be corrected after Discovery, and 3) overruling Defense Objections by citing the precedence established early on in the history of these suits that if a person is innocent, he’s got nothing to worry about.

Many of the judges who have upheld the rulings in favor of the cartels point out that we need to stand in respect for those who are directly responsible for such philanthropic gestures as the funding of the Scholarship Award Funds For Underprivileged Offsprings of the Defenders of Jurisprudence, the establishment of the MPCA Charitable Trust and Lifetime Endowment Organization in Furtherance of Judicial Excellence, and the Anonymous Recipients of the Libby-Rove Medal and Lifetime Subsidy Grant Honoring the Champions of Patriotism.
As Justice Beauregard Taft-Bucchanan put it at a recent White House Reception and Press Conference, “Who ya gonna b’lieve? The fine, upstanding citizens of the community who do what they can to make things better? Or some snot-nosed, pimply-faced teenager who only knows how to try to get somethin’ for nuttin!”