1. Gather up about 8 of the most unruly 10-12 year olds in your neighborhood. Take them to Chucky Cheese and tell everyone to sing “Happy Birthday” whenever they want and as many times as they want.

2. Telephone Ludlow Music in New York City and start singing “This Land” by Woody Guthrie when the call is answered. Ask to be put through to Fred von Lohmann’s voicemail.

3. If you live on a busy street, put your big screen TV out on the front porch facing the street, order the hottest new Pay-per-View event, make some popcorn and enjoy your purchase while encouraging passers by to stop and watch with you. Don’t forget to have both regular and unsalted popcorn.

4. Rip some tracks of classical music (Mahler would be good) to .mp3. Rename and retag the files with the names and metadata of the current top ten on the Billboard HOT 100 and also with data from not yet released material from very popular artists. Connect to a proxy server in Eastern Europe and then hop onto e-mule/donkey through the proxy. For extra fun, create a torrent of the material and start seeding it through piratebay. Bonus points will be awarded if MediaSentry launches a DDOS attack against the proxy.

5. Put on an eye-patch and tricorn hat and walk around the local humungous retail chain music store or the media section of the local “Big BoxMart” muttering ‘AAARGGH!” and “Shiver me Timbers.” For a festive touch, pin a life-sized plastic replica of a parrot or macaw on your shoulder. If and when somone actually inquires if you need assistance, ask them if a CD can be returned if you or anyone in your family (or on your ship) doesn’t care for the music on it or is offended by some aspect of the artwork on the packaging that’s concealed until the cellophane is removed and the jewel case opened.

6. Gather up those 32,839 AOL CDs you’ve gotten in the mail over the past 10 years. Put them in the trunk of your car, along with a small folding table and a creaky lawnchair. Drive to the location where the other people who also have a car full of CDs, a little folding table, and a creaky lawnchair congregate in your locale. Put out a handmade sign on the table that says: “SOFTWARE $1.00.” Find out if it’s anyone’s birthday and lead the assembled group in a rousing rendition of “Happy Birthday.”

7. Write a letter to your legislators and/or other Government officials detailing the abuses perpitrated by the IP industry on their constituents and offer some constructive suggestions as to how it should be reformed. Please do not refer to anything written by Lamar Smith while crafting your correspondence.

Happy IP Day Everyone!

–TurboGeek